Best Gift from my Boys

Words...

Sami's latest lines are the following:
1. "No thanks"
2. "Put that back"
3."Shofie Mama" ("look, mama")
4. "dedie" (i think Libyan baby slang for "painful")
5. "Just a minute"
6. "i want" this or that or "i don't want/like" this or that

Leaf's words:
1. "No" (first word he can speak and understand, next to "mama" and "papa"...*sigh*)
2. "jooo" ("juice" but he actually means he wants to drink, even water)
3."hata" ("give me" which means "give" in arabic)
4. "nena" (grandma)
5. "lolo" (grandpa, in Filipino)
6. "yum" (eat)

Leaf understands the following:
1. Kitchen and "cook" (he knows where it is and what it is)
2. Tell him "wash" and he will go straight to the bathroom
3. "lie down", "pick", "give" and "get"
4. He points his "tummy" "head" "eyes" "nose"
5. "kiss" (he is the best lip smacker i have ever known!!!)

Other words that Sami regularly uses:
Please, Thank you or "shukran", taala or come here, please, "tibi" (i want...though he should say"nibi"), Where?, Mino? (for "who"), Here, There, "Oh no!", Yes, "Gosh!" "Wow!" ....

Sami is a cuddler and a hugger while Leaf is a kisser. They both may ransack their drawers but when i say "help mama" or "clean up" they will pick their clothes up and put them back in the drawer. The latest "art" of Sami today is another "abstract" on the wall in the living room. I will have to ask Tarek to buy white paint for Sami will be called "big problem" again when an uncle or aunt sees his crayola doodles on the walls of the house.




this was taken on the first day of 2009. they were watching Tom and Jerry and acting like Tom and Jerry. the background is Sami's "abstract" crayola doodles on the wall. and that's just one of the four designed walls of the living room.





















The boys' latest "feat" as of yesterday was dismantling/ breaking their underwear drawer. I was in the kitchen and heard a "blag!" from the bedroom and behold, there is Leaf inside the lower drawer and Sami, proudly showing me the parts of the upper drawer which they finally decapitated after taking out all their clothes.

The best gift i know i will be receiving from Sami will be words that suprised me about five months ago..."It's okay mama...don't cry" (i was acting one time to show him that pulling my hair hurt me and he said these words, stroking my face.) "It's okay mama, Sami's here" - these when i was acting scared and he hugged me, and "Too much mama? love?" - meaning "you love me so much mama?" when i hugged him and kissed him and "I love you too mama."
And from Leaf will be his sweet, wet kisses.

Tito arrived last saturday. We picked him up at the airport at 2pm after my check up. He brought with him everything listed in my tugons plus dresses, shoes, pink flip flops, and goodies for the boys. We stayed in Janzour from thursday night to monday night and i was quite exhausted running after the boys who kept on climbing over furnitures. There was no mention about "going home."

Mama called last monday and they (she and tito) plan to raise funds so we can go home by April next year. I do not know if my uncle really has this in his mind since he is also planning to get a helper for me in the house. Everything is unclear. Even my OB-GYN said that i will be fine, that there's nothing wrong with my palpitations and shortness of breath and that the baby is fine. I asked her about the heartbeat count but she said there's a heartbeat but it's not yet important as of now (2 months) to know the heart rate of the baby and that her ultrasound doesn't have an audiogram. Well, back in my country my OB-Gyn has a handy audiogram and they get the heartbeat of the fetus as early as 2 months old. She said i will have to wait until i will be 35 weeks. OMG! i could not believe what i just heard. Some babies do get distressed earlier than that...but i have no choice but to "trust" her.

It's getting colder and closer to CHristmas...i feel older and so far from home.

To All Libyan Bloggers

If you are a Libyan or living in Libya (Tripoli) perhaps you can share some things that would be of help to me.


These things i need to know:

1. Where is the best hamburger here?

2. A good private hospital (servicing patients well especially during emergencies) and OB-GYN

3. Is "saba" banana (Musa sapientum) available here?

4. A day care center for toddlers (primary language English) - operators, location and cost

5. Average monthly salary for nannies (Morroccan, Malaysian or Filipinos) - stay in or stay-out

6. A Yoga gym/instructor

7. The best pastry shop here (selling cream puffs)



Others:

1. Do you think that the Libyan "Leader" will make good his promise (concerning oil money) by early 2009?

2. Is it true that most Libyans like to talk a lot but actually do so little? (is there proof of this? some form of statistical research?)

3. Is there a book/website about the Psychology of the Libyan people?

4. Are young children in Libya spoiled rotten or plain neglected?

Since the internet is my socalled "sole" connection to the outside/real world i am hoping that people might help me understand and adjust to this culture.

I will also be probably venting all my anger, frustrations here though on a reasonable level concerning my life in this country since it is actually the cause of the hypocrisy that have developed in me and which i detest.

All the bottled up emotions and thoughts in the (so far) nine months of stay here is beginning to pour. There will be a careful outpouring of fluids and issues hopefully into the right and ready glasses. The "sole connection" previously mentioned will be tackled. This will answer the questions "What about your husband's family and friends?" "Don't you consider them as your connections here?" or "Aren't they part of the outside/real world you're talking about?"

So to the free, honest, open, outspoken, hyper-critical and hypocritical, well-informed, sincere, sane, logical...all those with issues same as or opposite mine, willing to help or interested to spite me, please comment. I will further expound matters related to things listed above. For now, i wait for replies as i seethe in silence.

This "outburst" may just be part of my 1st trimester infanticipating but i believe this to be a productive kind of outburst.



With high hopes to mature into a citizen of the world and an individual who can contribute to the society's growth,

Pinky


p.s.
I would like to thank On the Edge of Something for her comments on my posts which has helped me keep my balance, kept me from either jumping nor holding on. She also helps keep the "spark" in my blog.

Eid Mubarak to all.
(to think this should be on the top of this piece, but i deem it better to place this greeting here to signify the change of mode in my posts.)

Pondering on These Truths

Calm Down and Cheer Up!
by Joyce Meyer

Today it seems as if everyone is under stress. It’s become a normal part of our everyday lives. As long as we keep that stress at a reasonable limit, there's no problem. But when we allow it to exceed that limit, trouble begins.

For example, a chair is built to sit on. It’s designed and constructed to bear a certain amount of weight. If used properly, it should last a very long time. But if overloaded beyond its capacity, it begins to wear out prematurely and eventually break down completely under the strain.

In the same way, you and I were designed and created to bear a certain amount of physical, mental and emotional strain day after day. However, problems arise when we allow ourselves to come under more weight than we’re capable of supporting.

A word we don't hear much about today is prudence. It means "careful management: economy." In the Bible, prudence or prudent means "being good stewards or managers of the gifts God has given us to use." Those gifts include time, energy, strength and health—even material possessions. They include our bodies, as well as our minds and spirits.

Just as each one of us has been given a different set of gifts, each of us has been given different levels of ability to manage those gifts. Some of us are better able to manage our gifts than others.

Each of us needs to know our limits—we need to know how much we can handle. We need to be able to recognize when we’re reaching "full capacity" or "overload." Instead of pushing ourselves into overload to please others or satisfy our own desires of reaching personal goals, we need to listen to and obey what God’s telling us to do. We must follow His wisdom if we really want to enjoy blessed lives.

Did you know that anything can cause stress? Stressors can be big or little things. In addition, what causes you stress may not bother someone else. And what bothers you today may not bother you tomorrow. For example, going to the grocery store and becoming upset by high prices may be a stressor for you. Then the process of paying for your groceries (especially if money is tight) may become a stressor. The checker in your lane runs out of change and has to shut down temporarily. You switch to a new lane and learn five of your items don't have a price on them. The checker has to call for a price check on each one while you wait, and the line behind you grows. These small, seemingly innocent circumstances pile up until you feel you’re going to explode from the pressure.

Nobody can remove all the big and little things that cause stress in our lives. That’s why we must be prudent in identifying the stressors that affect us most and learn how to respond to them correctly. We must recognize our limits and learn to say no to ourselves and others.

Stressors not managed properly can mount up one by one, bringing us to our breaking point. We may not be able to eliminate or reduce many of the stressors in our lives, yet we must concentrate on reducing their effects on us. We can't control all of our circumstances, so we must adapt our attitude and not let them pressure us.

It seems the very atmosphere of the world today is charged with stress and pressure. But the good news is, we don't have to operate in the world's system—reacting like people in the world who have no hope for peace in their lives. The world responds to difficulties by becoming upset and stressed, but our attitude and approach should be entirely different.

We need to have a change of attitude. The right attitude and approach can completely turn a situation around. Instead of stressing out and tensing up, calm down, take a deep breath and try to get some perspective on the situation.

When we approach a circumstance already stressed out, we’re setting ourselves up for misery before we begin. Instead, refuse to allow your circumstances to dictate how you’re going to feel. You may not be able to control the situation, but you can control how you respond to it. Take an offensive approach and decide beforehand what your attitude will be. Then the door will be opened for God to supernaturally help you through your choice to calm down and cheer up.

The Root of the Matter

TAKE STEPS TOWARD FREEDOM

People are born to be free; it’s a gift from God. We’re not to be free from responsibility, but free to be led by the Holy Spirit. Any time our freedom is taken away or given away, we experience anger. Are you willing to go through whatever it takes to be free, or do you want to stay in the mess you're in for the rest of your life? If you want to be free, just start doing what God wants you to do, one step at a time, and you’ll eventually walk out of your messes. When we are battling anger, we must realize that ...we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Ephesians 6:12 KJV). When Satan makes you angry, remember that he's trying to keep you from accomplishing the will of God in your life. In 2 Timothy 4:5, Paul told Timothy to be calm, cool and collected and to keep performing the duties of his ministry. That’s good advice for all of us. When we get angry, we should calm down and start doing what God has called us to do. You can be bitter or better—it's up to you! If you're mad about something, instead of letting it ruin your life, turn it into something good. Overcome evil and anger by praying for those who hurt and abuse you. Forgive them and be a blessing to them. It may not be easy at first, but when you make the decision and stick with it, God will take care of the rest.


The above article is a portion of "Dealing with Anger...God's Way" an article from joycemeyer.com.

Could Not Help Myself

I had to tell my mother about my pregnancy.

She called me early this morning wanting to know what kind of shoes, dress, undies (color, design, etc.) i want. So i told her. After the phone conversation i could not help feeling guilty. Those things she will be sending through tito might not fit me a few months from now and i thought she deserves to know now. After all, she's not just my mother, she's also my friend. (sigh...)

So what was expected to happen did happen during the phone conversation with mama. She immediately told me to "come home and give birth here." She said they (she and papa) will support us (that means pay for hospital/delivery expenses) and will provide a job for Tarek, etc. I know she's so worried. She began to plan for me...our trip, the date, the job that will be waiting for me after i take the Teacher's Board exam, the boys' nanny...it was almost an endless list until we were cut off for she has probably exhausted her cellphone load. I had to call her, to reassure her that everything will be just fine here and we should not make drastic decisions because it might not be wise to go home yet. We left to seek "greener pastures" and with hope to come back with some "seeds to grow" to sustain our family there. I cannot imagine going back bringing with us greater needs and more loads for others to carry. Everything has to be carefully planned and prayed for.

I know that a baby is a gift from God and along with this come grace, provision of needs and protection from dangers and diseases. Yet along with this too come changes, and probably a divine direction we may not understand but need to trust. Maybe going home will provide for us better opportunities, more safety and better health. Though everything we need materially is met here, i do not know if the boys' need for a healthy and ever available mother will continually be met, considering my very stressful situation. Still i hold on to God's grace, availing of it everyday. I also never ceased to hope that the sacrifices im making will soon be rewarded. If we are going home soon, then this hope shines even brighter. If not, then God's grace will abound in my life here.

Love Means Sacrifice, Not Selfishness

This is from my daily devotional, and one big lesson i need to learn and live.

Love Means Sacrifice, Not Selfishness
by Joyce Meyer

No matter how long you may live, you’ll never stop learning. Every minute of every day brings new opportunities to learn something we’ve never known before. As long as we’re open to receive, God will continue to teach us every day.

I’m still learning, and I know I always will be. What God teaches me every day about love continues to change my life. I’ve come to the place where I can honestly say, “Lord, eliminate everything in my life that’s holding me back. Please take away anything that’s keeping me from walking in love and finding true fulfillment in my life.” In other words, “Lord, reduce me to love—bring me to a state or condition of walking in love completely!”

One of the most important facets I’ve learned about love is unselfishness, which is characterized in the Bible as a willingness to sacrifice one’s own wishes for those of others. I’ve learned that true love will always adapt and adjust to the needs and desires of other people.

It’s impossible for people who’ve truly been reduced to love to be selfish. God has taught them how to be totally adaptable and adjustable to others. Selfish people, on the other hand, have hard hearts. It’s very difficult for them to learn anything—especially if it involves self-sacrifice. They expect everyone else to adjust to them and their needs. They simply don’t know how to adjust to others without becoming angry or upset.

Learning to adapt and adjust to the needs and desires of others was very difficult for me. To be honest, I wanted my way, and I got upset when I didn’t get it. I was selfish! I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it! I couldn’t stand having to wait on someone else or bending my own wishes to accommodate someone else’s timetable.

But God began to soften my heart, and gradually I learned to see the needs of others. Then God gave me compassion—the heartfelt desire to meet the needs of others first before my own.

Slowly, I became committed to walking in love. I learned to adapt my own needs and desires in order to help meet the needs of others. I learned how to show love in different ways to different people. Not all people need the same thing from us. One of our children, for example, may need more of our personal time than the others. One of our friends may need more encouragement on a regular basis than another.

For example, all of my family members need me, my employees need me, my friends need me—and they all need me in different ways.

Do I ever feel too needed? Of course! We all feel overwhelmed from time to time. But I remind myself that God gives me grace for whatever He places in my life, and I’m fortunate to be loved and needed by so many.

If I ever get weary of always trying to be available to meet the needs of others, I remind myself of all the years I lived in selfishness and how unhappy I was. Now I’m just making up for lost time! When I think on this, it doesn’t take long for me to adjust my attitude. After all, just telling people “I love you” is not enough. We need to go beyond the words and actually do something to help meet their needs.

My husband, Dave, loves to play golf, so I try to make sure our schedule gives him opportunities to play. But there was a time when it angered me for him to play golf. I was miserable because I hadn’t learned to adjust to his needs or desires. I wanted him to make all the adjustments.

I never acknowledged the many ways in which Dave adjusted to my needs. I never saw what he did do—only what he didn’t—and it was ruining our relationship. I’m glad that I’ve learned to adapt and adjust. It was a little hard on me for a while, but it saved our marriage.

Once you’ve been reduced to love, you’ll have no trouble establishing and maintaining good, healthy relationships with others. Your primary goal in life will be to put the wishes of others before your own. You’ll learn that true love is all about sacrifice and selfishness will be a thing of the past.

A Breathe of Fresh Air

I had just chatted with my brother's wife, Michelle via YM and it was like a breath of fresh air exchanging thoughts with her. I haven't really talked with them since i left home and i missed them so much. She said "sayang" mama was not around that time but i told her it's okay because i miss them more and i chatted with mama last sunday and will chat with her again this coming weekend. I spilled the beans to her and asked her to pray for divine guidance. I really want to go home but maybe i am not ready yet - financially, mentally.


Another breather i took/encountered today was from scribd.com, Wake up and Live, a book by Dorothea Brande written in 1936. It's just what i needed to know and do.

On a day like this

When the boys are extra challenging, when back pains and migraine headache attack, when i couldn't seem to care less about piles of laundry and dirty dishes yet deep inside i am already tired just thinking about it, when a second after i scrubbed the kitchen floor the boys spit carrots and spilled milk under the table...screams and cries, and the fetus inside me also seem to complain through my abdominal pains...Days like these make me want to go home, and review my values, my dreams, my priorities. They seem to tangle and entangle me, leaving me all in knots. Or this is just a hormonal thing...Should i say "my hormones want me to go home?"

This is another crazy day just like any other day. I live in a country led by a man known to be quite disorriented and yet who knows that his being could be instrumental to leading my family to financial freedom...and eventually we can go back to my country. I do not know how much would be this "oil money" he talked of giving to the citizens of this country by next year, but im pretty sure it would be quite a sum. I am sad for most people here though since i am pretty sure this "oil money" will vanish like smoke in the hands of the equally disorriented. On the other hand, who knows he might change his mind again and save the people from chaos. I am now venting my anger like screaming on top of my lungs on top of a mountain overlooking a beautiful landscape, a dream that i could not touch. I do not know what i am exactly talking about right now. I am just angry. I am running out of patience. I am on the verge of ...

TRYING TO KEEP SANE
I am trying to recall what kept me strong, sane and serene in the past nine months i am here. Or perhaps i was all along weak, deluded, and troubled masking the seething anger beneath another persona? The boys may be keeping me busy everyday but this is the loneliest existence i have ever known in my life. To keep myself from regressing, i planned on getting a job only to end up being offered 800 dinars because this is the salary locals receive. The interview went like this:

Position for Secretary in an Oil Company
Mr R: So you are married?
Me: Yes sir
Mr R: To a Filipino?
Me: To a Libyan
Mr R: You met in the Philippines or here?
Me: We met in my country, lived there for four years...we have 2 little boys now and are living with my husband's family here
Mr R: Oh so the family accepted you?
Me: Why not sir? They are an amazing people
Mr R: Are they really from Libya or from other towns?
Me: My father in law is originally from Slitton but he grew up and raised his family here in Tripoli
Mr R: So how do you find Libya? Do you like it here?
Me: I like my husband's family, i cannot say anything yet about Libya in general because i haven't seen it's entirety yet...not even the people.
Mr R: (reviewing my CV) so you worked as _____before? what exactly does this "traffic department" means (referring to my previous job in a telecommunications company)
Me: It's where telephone operators work...
Mr R: (interrupting me) so how much salary do you expect to receive from this company?
Me: I expect to receive the same as Filipino workers are receiving monthly, including other benefits
Mr R: But oh, you are a Libyan now, you are married to a Libyan
Me: I am still a Filipino sir...how much are you offering sir?
Mr R: (sigh) hmmm, 800
Me: Is that dollar or dinar?
Mr R: Dinar
Me: (sigh and smile, no answer)
Mr R: Well that should be enough for you. 800 dinar is a good amount to earn, and you get to work than stay in the house watching your kids, you also get to treat them outside sometimes.
Me: I need to WEIGH my options sir...my priorities are my boys and i do not know if this amount will compensate for a long daily absence in the home.
Mr R: Yes, you will WAIT, we will call you.
Me: (i knew he did not hear me right) Sir i will WEIGH things first (talking with my hands demonstrating "weighing")
Mr R: (still did not get it) Ok, we will call you
Me: Thank you sir (stood up and went out.)

A month after they called me and asked if i am still interested to take the job. I said if the offer is the same, i cannot take it. I want to receive the same salary as the other Filipinos are receiving. Besides, they do not even have to pay for my visa, for air fare, etc...and they will be getting the same quality of service professionals are giving the company. I knew that they're looking for Filipinos and even hiring from the Philippines, so why treat me like the locals? And why are locals treated like this? It is not fair.

The next day after that call, i was informed that the management staff are going to deliberate on the bargain i asked for then they will call me again afterwards. I kept my cool and said, okay. I have actualy decided it's not worth it. Besides it's not really my field. I will just wait for my TOR and apply as a pre school/music teacher. Two weeks after this decision, I found out im pregnant.

NOW THE CHANGES
I know i could not work now that i am pregnant. Both my previous pregnancies were difficult and i had to rest in bed for months. I had a delicate pregnancy with Sami, a little stress and i have spotting. With Leaf, i had placenta previa and had to stay in bed for months. I had a C section with Leaf and lost a lot of blood. My doctor told me to have one last pregnancy, schedule a C section and then she will have to tie my tubes. I could not take pills because i have become hypertensive, nor could an IUD be attached in me.
Now i have a new Ob-Gyne (of Libyan Swiss clinic) and she doesn't recommend tying my tubes. I complained about my abdominal pain but unlike my Ob-Gyne in the Philippines, she did not give me any medications. I told her my medical history and she told me just to take it easy and it is no problem going up and down the stairs (three storey flight.)
And this also makes me want to go home. I felt more pampered there even by my Ob-Gyne.

LIGHT BULB AND FLICKER OF HOPE
I didn't knew Ahlam was a creative woman and has a home-based wedding crafts business. We visited her last week and she showed me a sample of her craft which earned her a thousand dinars for an order of 200 pcs. Considering the cost of materials, one can earn only about 200 dollars with an order of 200pcs in the Philippines. So we talked business, since i also used to do the same thing back home and i can provide for her some materials from the Philippines which cost a lot cheaper. Since my uncle is coming back soon, i also added to my list of tugons the materials that Ahlam asked for. This is a blessing if ever this will be pushed through. Ahlam can come over the house or i go to her place with the boys sometimes so we can do the crafts together...or just divide the work load. I also asked her to help me find buyers for the pearl jewelries tito Dan is bringing from home. This will help augment our income or maintain it if we decide to hire a helper (just in case my pregnancy will be another difficult one.)

So mixed are my emotions today that i want to eat green apples dipped in venigar and salt.

Life in Libya II: Adopt, Adapt, Adjust

Dealing with Culture Shock
pinkytabor (408) ranked 1,150 out of 28,103 in people
4 months ago
In one way or another some of us have been shocked, amused, amazed or even upset by and at how those with different culture do things or live. But eventually we have either adjusted and even adapted some of their ways. I am from the Philippines and my foreigner husband could site too many things that Filipinos do that both shock and amuse him. Then, we moved to his country six months ago and i wa smore shocked than he was when he's in my country. I could not believe how people manage their time here. I wonder how women could afford to sit and talk over tea for hours without worrying at least about something else to do such as house chores, the kids, etc. It seems like "anything goes" for them when it comes to schedule. They usually have breakfast at 10 or 11am, luch at 3 or 4pm, then dinner at 10 or 11pm. By the time dinner comes, i am already very tired and sleepy. Eventually, i have adjusted and realized that these are their way of enjoyment. Women here love to talk and spend time together. It's their way of relieving stress for they have to do everything at home, and most of them having at least 3 small kids. I have also adapted to their "time", learned to sleep at 1 am. The hard thing for me is i tend to lack sleep because i always wake up at 6 or 7am. Waking up late like 9 or 10am is one thing yet i have to learn here.:) I would love to hear amusing and inspiring stories like this. Please share yours.

people





Do you also wonder how some do it?
pinkytabor (408) ranked 93 out of 3,064 in wife
3 months ago
My sister in law lives across us, a door infront our unit. She is an amazingly beautiful woman with two boys age same as mine. I always wonder how she always seem to look fresh, and her house looks so clean and she is always calm despite the riots of her boys in her house. By mid day, i already looked so harrassed, after cleaning the house, doing the laundry and bathing my boys. While she, whenever i bring my two year old to her house to play with her son, has make up on, like she's always looking ready to go out, and her house looks so immaculately clean, and i could smell the cake she's baking. She seem to handle it so well, or maybe because she has nothing else to do but look good, and clean. MAybe she seldom cooks meals and feed her sons, maybe she doesn't really clean the house, it just looks clean. Maybe she doesn't wash herself, just put on perfume and make-up...and maybe she really isn't bothered by her sons climbing on the tv and breaking glasses. Maybe she doesn't worry that her son might fall off the stairs playing when she let him go out while she sits and relax infront of the TV. Maybe schedules is not her thing, because they sleep anytime and eat anytime whenever they feel like. DO you also wonder, like me, how some women - housewives, seem to look so unharassed by the demanding and overwhelming tasks of household management? How do you think they manage it and still look so great and unbothered by anything?

wife





What could be better for a married person than this
pinkytabor (408) ranked 472 out of 29,285 in life
4 months ago
Amazing in-laws. What i have learned from foreigners married to nationals of this country is that 90 percent of divorce is caused by troubles with the in-laws. That includes marriage of both locals. This is a country wherein family ties and "voice" of parents are highly valued. Even some marriages here are still prearranged. I guess even in other countries, and most marriages, troubles with in laws cannot be avoided. And i guess, most problems come from the meddling of a mother-in-law on a couple's life - spoiling the children, coming to the house unannounced and trying to do things her way in housekeeping, etc. My mother raised me up, setting a very good example in respecting and loving the family of her husband. In turn, my father also loved my mother's parents, letting them live with is until both passed away. Now that i am married, i feel so blessed with a wonderful mother in-law, a good natured father in law, super sweet sisters in-law and great brothers in-law. I guess my parents planted a seed on this which now i am enjoying. It's really very rare nowadays to have good, if not great, relationship with in-laws. Good means, open, honest (without any hypocrisy) and loving relationship. My mother in law never fails to come up to our house in the third floor, everyday, bringing me lunch for the past six months already. I know that she is not perfect, just like me, but she is so real. And so are the rest of my husband's family. I am happy to be blessed. This is not luck. This has been secretly wished by my parents when i was born. And i pray for the same to my sons.

life

Life in Libya: Adjust, Adapt, Adopt

Until now i am still adjusting to life here. It's been nine months since we moved here and even though i have adapted some of the Libyan culture/lifestyle/practices there are still a lot of things i cannot "take." Here are some discussions i have started in Mylot which spurred a lot of comments from people of different nationalities and walks of life. Until now, these are still ongoing issues in my personal/social life here.


How hot does it have to be....
pinkytabor (408) ranked 472 out of 29,285 in life
2 months ago
before i could let my sons wear sleeveless shirts and only one layer of clothing? It's 25 C outside and my in-laws say it's cold. I am from Asia and am used to a hot climate but my boys sweat even inside a 21 degree airconditioned room. We already stopped using the AC here since they said it's already autumn and is getting cold but is 21 C really cold? The sun is up and i feel warm. I get embarassed because my in-laws keep on telling me "saga! saga!", meaning it's cold and the boys should wear at least double layer clothing because they might get sick. But i could not do that because i know they will feel hot. I tried explaining to them that my sons might also get sick if their sweat will dry on their skin (no wonder most kids here have bronchitis.) Even during the onset of spring, they let me wear a long, thick coat when we went out because it's cold. I ended up sweating. So what's cold or what's hot for you before you start either layering up or taking off your clothes?




Am i bad because i am mad at some kids?
pinkytabor (408) ranked 578 out of 13,044 in parenting
2 months ago
My blood pressure is rising right now because of my son's nephews ages 3-5. They are all over the house right now and i could not control them. I think they are spoiled rotten and i wonder why their mothers think letting them on their own would make them independent and responsible - at this age. One is climbing the double decked bed in our bedroom after taking out all my sons' clothes from the drawers, the other one is in the kitchen, eating cheese by the fridge, the other one is tearing the paper alphabets i sticked on the wall and one is playing with my two boys (but he keeps on throwing toys as if they are sand.) They never listen nor do they seem to respect an adult. So i gave up and just keep on guarding this PC. I know this is what happens in nursery school, but i tried everything i can to get their attention/interest but they just want to break things and each other's bones. Tell me, is this normal for kids these age? Because everytime my two year old is in a place not his house, he is always well behave, Well, he does want to explore and sometimes run around but he is not as "active" and hard-headed as these boys who all seem to have ADD or ADHD. I also feel guilty for feeling this, but i tell you, i have tried affection, talking to them on their level, acting like a clown just to get their attention, giving them toys to play with, running after each one....i have tried everything, and i am fed up and i gave up. What i don't like the most is that my two sons are imitating them and i am surprise at Sami (my two year old) throwing a ball at me, hitting my face. Help me understand this...or should i make their mothers understand what their children are doing? How about your kids? Are they well-disciplined?



Do you "abuse" religious expressions?
pinkytabor (408) ranked 2,300 out of 7,876 in religion
2 months ago
I believe that our respective religions is also about God, our faith in him. But do you tend to use/utter expressions such as "In Jesus Name!" or "Bismillah!" or "Praise the Lord/God!" or "Ya Allah!" or "Yaweh!" without really thinking of God? Do you think this is a form of abuse, not just of the expression itself but of the essence of your own religion? I remember when i was seven years old, my entire family was saying the rosary when my five year old brother tripped over my grandma's legs (she was kneeling)and to everybody's surprise my grandma screamed the line "...mother of God pray for uuuuuusss sinnnnnerrrrs...!!!" at the same time pinched my brother's arm. I thought it only happens to Catholics, like one old lady who had just entered a church, dipping her fingers in the holy water and instead of saying "In the name of the Father..." she uttered some curse-words upon seeing a young woman wearing sexy clothes. And lately i just saw my mother in law praying the Magrub and at the same time muttering something to her daughter about preparing the food. I admit that i have also misused the expression "Jesus!". It should not be, don't you think? Lately, i find myself saying "Bismillah" when surprised and i admit i am not thinking really about Allah when i utter the expression. What's your say on this matter?

religion




What is the point of "covering" in some religions?
pinkytabor (408) ranked 2,300 out of 7,876 in religion
2 months ago
I will not specify a religion here but i just want to know why do women have to cover themselves from head to toe in some religion? I know that their holy book said they should but why do other believers don't do it? I mean, it said that you will not go to heaven if you don't cover yourself, but some women go around, though dressing still quite modestly (reasonably covered: high neckline, ankle length hemline, long sleeves) but head uncovered. Does that mean they will not go to heaven? I have known women who are "heaven-bound" when it comes to dressing but oh what they do in secret is super bad. Why is external appearance so great a basis for holiness?

religion





When the past returns...
pinkytabor (408) ranked 801 out of 18,944 in relationships
3 months ago
I now live in a Muslim country where people have high moral standards and conservative beliefs. Just barely two months when we arrived here, the ex-girlfriend of my husband who also is a Muslim and is married called him up. They had dated for about nine years and was even almost engaged but they broke up because my husband decided that if she was going to marry him for money, then better just give her the money and leave. When i met my husband in my country, it has already been four years since the break up but i knew that she still wanted him back for she kept on asking about him back home. Now four years after we got married, we moved to his country and found out, to my surprise that this woman asked for help (it was really vague as related by my sister in law) from my husband about visa for her sister. Anyhow, she kept on calling him (i wonder if her husband knew) to say hi, until one day, she told him that she's by the gate of our house and wanted to see him. He went down, said hi, showed her photos of our family and asked her what she relly wants. She wanted him to help her get a visa for her sister. Anyhow, after my husband related to me the incidents, and gave me her number, i called her and asked her why don't she come over the house and see the family, including my husband's family so that we could talk about what she wants and then help her. I told her that she should have come inside the house and not talk with my husband outside, at least we could have met..She was speechless, and told me why don't i come and visit her instead. So i said to her, yes maybe we could talk in a cafe somewhere. I said, "But what i know, you're the one who want something, so it is best you come and visit us in the house." I guess she was embarassed or something and even asked me if i was angry. Why would i be angry? i asked her. You did not do anything bad, didn't you? Anyhow, she called my sister in law and asked her if my husband was beside me while i was on the phone with her. Of course he was. This has bothered me much because if this happened in my country or some western country, it's not a big deal. I mean, when a woman calls a guy for something, that's what she really wants. But here? She could have asked for "help" from someone else. Why a married man, and her ex for that? And yes, why not ask help from her own husband? I wonder if he knows.

relationships





I Wore Skirt and Long Sleeved Blouse in the Pool
pinkytabor (408) ranked 1,150 out of 28,103 in people
4 months ago
This thing is not strange in the country where i and my family have just moved six months ago. Every weekend we visit my uncle who lives in a flat located in front of the beach. It is a tourist village. People there, just like in my country, swim wearing swim suits. But being married to a local, and have been localized as well, it is not proper for me to wear a swimsuit, nor anything that shows skin when swimming. I cried buckets at the beach arguing my case to my husband. We used to swim a lot together back in my country, and now...? He said i could swim but just wear the appropriate attire. And appropriate means "covered from head to feet." I couldn't do it. I could not imagine myself wearing such in the water. Until the entire family in my husband's side went on a weekend trip at a private beach. I could not resist the water, so i swam. After wards, the women went to the pool side, and to my surprise, my sister in law, clad in long pants and long sleeved blouse made a perfect dive to the pool. Her form was so perfect except for the suit. But for all of them, what we wore was just perfect for a summer day at the pool. I told my husband there is already a swim suit for women in this country and i think its out in the stores now. It is made of the same material of a swimming trunk except that it looks like a tight and leotard and would perfectly and completely cover the entire body. But he said that women here are still not open to such knowing that the material hugs the body so well and shows the woman's figure. Though i had fun, and wearing such attire in the water is an amusing experience for me, i still wonder, what if the skirt or long dress suddenly goes over the head after a dive and shows the underwear? Still, i could not refute the law, more so, a religious and cultural belief. I could only enjoy the moment, and learn.



Would you allow your partner to choose clothes you must wear
pinkytabor (408) ranked 801 out of 18,944 in relationships
4 months ago
My husband wants me to cover myself head to toe when going out. This makes him happy. And for him, knowing his beliefs and culture, this is a sign of my respect and submission to him. I had to give up wearing "smart" clothes (for my standards, its smart, not sexy) and wear what's appropriate for him. But its okay to wear sexy clothes (even nothing, he said) inside our house. Sometimes i struggle really bad inside. I miss the old, carefree, confident me that i used to be. I know that clothes don't make a person but it sure does affect a person's self esteem. But since i love him, i give in. And have forgotten who i was, and have adapted to his style. Would you do the same? For love? For peace?

relationships






What could be better for a married person than this
pinkytabor (408) ranked 472 out of 29,285 in life
4 months ago
Amazing in-laws. What i have learned from foreigners married to nationals of this country is that 90 percent of divorce is caused by troubles with the in-laws. That includes marriage of both locals. This is a country wherein family ties and "voice" of parents are highly valued. Even some marriages here are still prearranged. I guess even in other countries, and most marriages, troubles with in laws cannot be avoided. And i guess, most problems come from the meddling of a mother-in-law on a couple's life - spoiling the children, coming to the house unannounced and trying to do things her way in housekeeping, etc. My mother raised me up, setting a very good example in respecting and loving the family of her husband. In turn, my father also loved my mother's parents, letting them live with is until both passed away. Now that i am married, i feel so blessed with a wonderful mother in-law, a good natured father in law, super sweet sisters in-law and great brothers in-law. I guess my parents planted a seed on this which now i am enjoying. It's really very rare nowadays to have good, if not great, relationship with in-laws. Good means, open, honest (without any hypocrisy) and loving relationship. My mother in law never fails to come up to our house in the third floor, everyday, bringing me lunch for the past six months already. I know that she is not perfect, just like me, but she is so real. And so are the rest of my husband's family. I am happy to be blessed. This is not luck. This has been secretly wished by my parents when i was born. And i pray for the same to my sons.

life






Have Christmas Trees become part of Ramadan?
pinkytabor (408) ranked 2,300 out of 7,876 in religion
2 months ago
I am curious and i want someone to explain this to me. I was surprised to see a Christmas tree in a Muslim friend's house. I thought at first they have converted to Christianity, but no, they are devout Muslims. I felt embarrassed to ask and assumed it was just a house decor (the tree has ornaments too, with balls and stars.) Then during Eid, we went shopping and behold, Christmas trees are on for sale. It felt like Christmas inside the mall, also with colorful lights blinking. I honestly do not know what are those trees for? I mean, this is in a Muslim country. Perhaps they are selling those to Christians? But why do they also have it in their house? And during Ramadan?




This is about medical practitioners
pinkytabor (408) ranked 1,150 out of 28,103 in people
2 months ago
For the first time in my life i have known a doctor/e.r. who diagnosed a patient with having a "hole in the heart" without doing the normal diagnostic procedures. This happened to my mother in law here. They did not even take her blood pressure. It is unbelievable. My uncle who's a nurse (expat) complained and requested for chest x-ray. Then we went to get second opinion. It turned out to be bronchitis. My sister in law was also told that she has STD without getting a pap smear. The doctor said that her husband has STD. So we went to another doctor and hers was a mere/slight infection. My sons had fever for three days, I was shocked to see the doctor just do the stethoscope thing (listen to the chest), then ask me questions like do they vomit? How's the feeding? etc...then, he prescribed medicines, antibiotics. The normal procedures i am used to when taking my sons for a check up are this: take vital signs (body temp., weight, blood tests if fever ran for more than 3 days) and not just listening to the chest. I am now hesitant to go for regular medical checks here. I even took CBC test and had to be injected 3 times! All because the blood they took was not enough. Hello?!!! My uncle said it wasn't a right procedure. Do you have or know some "medical horror stories?" I do not know how these people get to keep their profession. It is sad to say that in this country, medical practitioners regardless of mistakes they have done, are sort of worshiped.


Should I complain or there is nothing wrong with this?
pinkytabor (408) ranked 93 out of 3,064 in wife
3 months ago
How many hours a day does your husband spend being with you and the kids? I am curious because i am on the 'verge' of complaining or maybe i am just feeling a little more sensitive lately and there is really nothing wrong with this. Or there is, and have just noticed it lately. He goes out of the house at 7. The kids wake up at 8. He comes home at 5 and sleeps until 7. SO he basically has about3 hours or less with the kids before bedtime. But he usually goes downstairs, to spend time with his parents, or just hang out by the balcony with his friends. SOmetimes he goes out and comes home at 9. He is always home though to help me bath the kids before thir bedtime. He has one day off a week and sleeps until 11 on that day. When he wakes up, he sometimes just goes out to be with his friends and comes back for lunch (4pm). On some of his days off from work, he visits his sister whose house is a two hour drive away. SPends the whole day there. SOme weekends, he stays out with friends until 12 midnight. He has only one day off from work, so that's basically also his day off from helping me with the boys. Should i complain or should i just try to understand him more? He does help me with housework when he is here though.

There are still more discussions i yet have to post here. I just need to categorized these first. I am hoping to spurr another thread of comments from bloggers here...