If you are a Libyan or living in Libya (Tripoli) perhaps you can share some things that would be of help to me.
These things i need to know:
1. Where is the best hamburger here?
2. A good private hospital (servicing patients well especially during emergencies) and OB-GYN
3. Is "saba" banana (Musa sapientum) available here?
4. A day care center for toddlers (primary language English) - operators, location and cost
5. Average monthly salary for nannies (Morroccan, Malaysian or Filipinos) - stay in or stay-out
6. A Yoga gym/instructor
7. The best pastry shop here (selling cream puffs)
Others:
1. Do you think that the Libyan "Leader" will make good his promise (concerning oil money) by early 2009?
2. Is it true that most Libyans like to talk a lot but actually do so little? (is there proof of this? some form of statistical research?)
3. Is there a book/website about the Psychology of the Libyan people?
4. Are young children in Libya spoiled rotten or plain neglected?
Since the internet is my socalled "sole" connection to the outside/real world i am hoping that people might help me understand and adjust to this culture.
I will also be probably venting all my anger, frustrations here though on a reasonable level concerning my life in this country since it is actually the cause of the hypocrisy that have developed in me and which i detest.
All the bottled up emotions and thoughts in the (so far) nine months of stay here is beginning to pour. There will be a careful outpouring of fluids and issues hopefully into the right and ready glasses. The "sole connection" previously mentioned will be tackled. This will answer the questions "What about your husband's family and friends?" "Don't you consider them as your connections here?" or "Aren't they part of the outside/real world you're talking about?"
So to the free, honest, open, outspoken, hyper-critical and hypocritical, well-informed, sincere, sane, logical...all those with issues same as or opposite mine, willing to help or interested to spite me, please comment. I will further expound matters related to things listed above. For now, i wait for replies as i seethe in silence.
This "outburst" may just be part of my 1st trimester infanticipating but i believe this to be a productive kind of outburst.
With high hopes to mature into a citizen of the world and an individual who can contribute to the society's growth,
Pinky
p.s.
I would like to thank On the Edge of Something for her comments on my posts which has helped me keep my balance, kept me from either jumping nor holding on. She also helps keep the "spark" in my blog.
Eid Mubarak to all.
(to think this should be on the top of this piece, but i deem it better to place this greeting here to signify the change of mode in my posts.)
Posts
9 comments:
Others 2.: YES!! Everything sounds very nice, but if you check it out, hm... zero.
Others 4.: It depends on the habits of the family, there are really nice ones with polite and well educated children but also the opposite. Some parents are not educated at all and know nothing at all about how to treat children.
It is better for you If you plan
to stay in Libya for a long peried
is to learn ARABIC
Sam Pinky,
Unfortunetley I can not help you at all...hahaha cos I am not in Libya as yet....In the new year en sha Allah....Just wanted to say I like your BLOGs.....They are helping me get ready for the move, en sha ALlah....
EID MUBAROOK TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,
Ma Saloma,
Khedegah
Let me see....
Hamburgers... I usually got to Mexicana because they are pretty consistent. There are 2 of them - one in Gargaresh and the other in Benashur.
Hospitals... there is that saying 'One person's gourmet is another's garbage.' Same is true here - it all depends on your expectations. It took me quite a while to find a doctor I liked and then I stuck with him. One thing to think about is that Libyan OBGYN's have a lot of experience with difficult cases. Libyan women seldom take care about their health when they are pregnant and have babies way past the age of 35. Your best bet is to go to a private clinic though and find a doctor you like who will be there to deliver you. Otherwise you will just get whoever happens to be handy.
There is a kind of Egyptian banana that is similar that you can find here sometimes. You can find some Asian food in the shops in Aldahara Suk (the place with all the meat). Near Suk Alhout in the medina there are a few Pakistani/Indian grocery shops.
Nannies... hmm... I think about 450 dinars a month - but I'm not so sure about this. I gave up years ago and resigned myself to taking care of my own kids.
Yoga instructor - there is someone doing yoga in Regatta.
Lot's of nice bakeries and pastry shops. You have to experiment and find one you like. But expect it to be pretty inconsistent because the hired help that does the baking will eventually move on to someplace else and you will be looking for a nice pastry shop once again.
As for the list of others:
1. Time will tell. But I've learned that pessimism rules here (and is often rightly so).
2. Yes - this one is true. Although there are some rather industrious Libyans the unindustrious ones pull them down.
3. Not that I know of, but I have met some Libyan psychologists and psychiatrists and found their insight rather interesting. There are only about 25 psychiatrists in the entire country - I think they are kept too busy to set up and run a website. :)
4. sigh.... Their mothers are just too busy to be bothered for the most part. Throw some food at the kids and they will shut up hopefully, is their idea. Another is - Eventually they will fall asleep and then they can have a blanket thrown over them. The idea of routine for kids here doesn't exist. I tried to put my kids in bed at a certain time every night when they were small (after putting them in pajamas and reading them a bedtime story) but none of the Libyan ladies could understand what on earth I was doing...sigh...
Libyan kids for the most part are impolite and spoiled. They learn these behaviours from their parents Sorry to say it - but it's true. (I'm gonna get some fallout from this I bet - but after living here 20 years and being married to a Libyan for 26 year I have a pretty good idea about what I'm talking about... sigh)
Not sure that this info makes you feel any better. Don't worry so much about being like your inlaws and fitting into their mold. You won't no matter how hard you try and you would never be happy that way anyway. You just have to do your own thing.
Your husband married you because he liked you - if he'd have wanted a Libyan girl he'd have married one - but he didn't. So just keep being you.
Thank you Khadija Teri. Your comments are insightful and useful. I will bear all these in mind. It is so comforting to know there are people out there who share my thoughts and feelings concerning these "issues."
Everything Teri told you is true . You can count on that !I will post your link on my post so maybe you will get some more advise . LOL !Thanks for the lovely words !Hope you are doing better now and that you find a good doctor soon .Take care .
للأسف أنا معتدة بلغتي العربية
ولو إن الأسبانية قد تجدي هنا
عفوا صاحبة المدونة
سيدة تيري
لماذا لاتتركين هذه السيدة تكتشف بنفسها ؟
بدلا من إعطائها انطباعات سيئة عن بلدنا
فمثلا
عندما تتكلمين عن تربية الليبيات لأبنائهن
فيجب أن تخبري السيدة القادمة إلينا
نحن لانعلمهن السجائر ولا نشرب الخمر أمامهم ولا نشربه أصلا لأننا مسلمون ولا نعلمهم أن يستغنوا عن والديهم مبكرا ويتركونهم في ديار للعجرة
ونحن شعب يقدس العلاقات العائلية وحقيقة لانحتاج لأطباء نفسيين لأنه الجدة والخال والأخت والعمة و ووو يعتبرون مكان نلجأ إليه وقت الأزمات
والحمد لله الإيمان وصلاتنا تجلعنا أصحاء نفسيا
نحن لانترك ابنائنا لحاضنة بل نتركهم لدى جداتهم وخالاتهم
وكذلك يجب أن تخبريها وهذا ماانا متأكدة منه إن كل الليبين يهبون لمساعدة أي شخص لو طلب منهم وأنا متأكدة إنكِ طلبت من جارات لكِ وساعدوكِ أيضا اليس هذا جميلا
المجتمعات الأخرى ليست مثالية هي الأخرى
كوني من ام غير ليبية ولكنني حقيقة سعيدة بأنني عشت مع أم عربية ليبية ربتني وسعيدة بأن الليبية هي من ربتني وليست فرانس
وأخيرا ارجو أن تحترمي كوننا ليبيون
واعتقد إن فترة عشرون سنة لاتكفي لتتعرفي على شعب كامل سيدة تيري
لازالتِ لاتعرفين الكثير
ولن تكفيكِ مائة عام أخرى
لربما أنت تعيشين الآن في محيط اعطاكِ انطباع كهذا
ولكننا مختلفون على الأقل في محيطي الرائع
واقف واركع تحت قدمي السيدة التي ربتني إجلالا لها لأنها ليبية
وبالنسبة لملاحظتك الأخيرة سيدة تيري
ذكرتني بأشياء عفا عنها الزمن وطال
الزوج يبقى مع أي زوجة في العالم إن كان سعيدا وحقا لايهم من أين تكون وإلا لكان والدي الآن في وضع آخر
I am ready to help Pinky
غيداء التواتي
http://hmoos.maktoobblog.com/
Feliz Eid
I think one reason, why the children here have such a bad behaviour is that they grow up like prisoners. In general, they live behind a huge wall, most of the time inside the house where all the windows are closed, curtons closed and electric light switched on, day and night. IF they have toys,they are forbidden to play with, because the house must always look fab in case visitors will drop in. The house looks more like a furniture store than like a house with 5 or 7 chidren. They are supposed to behave like adults, which means sit down doing nothing except talking. Its a natural reaction that they revolt against this treatment and get crazy. Children are "born to be free", but what they get here is far away from this! Countless times I hear from my SILs: don't run, you will fall; don't climb, you will break your legs; don't play this, don't play that. Of course, when they come in our house, they are not used to the "freedom" they get here and behave like mad!
Dear Pinky
I am too married to a Libyan and visited Tripoli for the first time last Eid. My impressions? Not as bad as my husband had described it, but not so impressive as to make me move there in the near future.
About the social environment, i would say that if i had stayed another 3 days it would have broken my spirit ( we stayed 8 days in total).
Good luck and courage, my dear. I will follow your blog as in a few years i might be in your position.
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