Life in Libya: Adjust, Adapt, Adopt

Until now i am still adjusting to life here. It's been nine months since we moved here and even though i have adapted some of the Libyan culture/lifestyle/practices there are still a lot of things i cannot "take." Here are some discussions i have started in Mylot which spurred a lot of comments from people of different nationalities and walks of life. Until now, these are still ongoing issues in my personal/social life here.


How hot does it have to be....
pinkytabor (408) ranked 472 out of 29,285 in life
2 months ago
before i could let my sons wear sleeveless shirts and only one layer of clothing? It's 25 C outside and my in-laws say it's cold. I am from Asia and am used to a hot climate but my boys sweat even inside a 21 degree airconditioned room. We already stopped using the AC here since they said it's already autumn and is getting cold but is 21 C really cold? The sun is up and i feel warm. I get embarassed because my in-laws keep on telling me "saga! saga!", meaning it's cold and the boys should wear at least double layer clothing because they might get sick. But i could not do that because i know they will feel hot. I tried explaining to them that my sons might also get sick if their sweat will dry on their skin (no wonder most kids here have bronchitis.) Even during the onset of spring, they let me wear a long, thick coat when we went out because it's cold. I ended up sweating. So what's cold or what's hot for you before you start either layering up or taking off your clothes?




Am i bad because i am mad at some kids?
pinkytabor (408) ranked 578 out of 13,044 in parenting
2 months ago
My blood pressure is rising right now because of my son's nephews ages 3-5. They are all over the house right now and i could not control them. I think they are spoiled rotten and i wonder why their mothers think letting them on their own would make them independent and responsible - at this age. One is climbing the double decked bed in our bedroom after taking out all my sons' clothes from the drawers, the other one is in the kitchen, eating cheese by the fridge, the other one is tearing the paper alphabets i sticked on the wall and one is playing with my two boys (but he keeps on throwing toys as if they are sand.) They never listen nor do they seem to respect an adult. So i gave up and just keep on guarding this PC. I know this is what happens in nursery school, but i tried everything i can to get their attention/interest but they just want to break things and each other's bones. Tell me, is this normal for kids these age? Because everytime my two year old is in a place not his house, he is always well behave, Well, he does want to explore and sometimes run around but he is not as "active" and hard-headed as these boys who all seem to have ADD or ADHD. I also feel guilty for feeling this, but i tell you, i have tried affection, talking to them on their level, acting like a clown just to get their attention, giving them toys to play with, running after each one....i have tried everything, and i am fed up and i gave up. What i don't like the most is that my two sons are imitating them and i am surprise at Sami (my two year old) throwing a ball at me, hitting my face. Help me understand this...or should i make their mothers understand what their children are doing? How about your kids? Are they well-disciplined?



Do you "abuse" religious expressions?
pinkytabor (408) ranked 2,300 out of 7,876 in religion
2 months ago
I believe that our respective religions is also about God, our faith in him. But do you tend to use/utter expressions such as "In Jesus Name!" or "Bismillah!" or "Praise the Lord/God!" or "Ya Allah!" or "Yaweh!" without really thinking of God? Do you think this is a form of abuse, not just of the expression itself but of the essence of your own religion? I remember when i was seven years old, my entire family was saying the rosary when my five year old brother tripped over my grandma's legs (she was kneeling)and to everybody's surprise my grandma screamed the line "...mother of God pray for uuuuuusss sinnnnnerrrrs...!!!" at the same time pinched my brother's arm. I thought it only happens to Catholics, like one old lady who had just entered a church, dipping her fingers in the holy water and instead of saying "In the name of the Father..." she uttered some curse-words upon seeing a young woman wearing sexy clothes. And lately i just saw my mother in law praying the Magrub and at the same time muttering something to her daughter about preparing the food. I admit that i have also misused the expression "Jesus!". It should not be, don't you think? Lately, i find myself saying "Bismillah" when surprised and i admit i am not thinking really about Allah when i utter the expression. What's your say on this matter?

religion




What is the point of "covering" in some religions?
pinkytabor (408) ranked 2,300 out of 7,876 in religion
2 months ago
I will not specify a religion here but i just want to know why do women have to cover themselves from head to toe in some religion? I know that their holy book said they should but why do other believers don't do it? I mean, it said that you will not go to heaven if you don't cover yourself, but some women go around, though dressing still quite modestly (reasonably covered: high neckline, ankle length hemline, long sleeves) but head uncovered. Does that mean they will not go to heaven? I have known women who are "heaven-bound" when it comes to dressing but oh what they do in secret is super bad. Why is external appearance so great a basis for holiness?

religion





When the past returns...
pinkytabor (408) ranked 801 out of 18,944 in relationships
3 months ago
I now live in a Muslim country where people have high moral standards and conservative beliefs. Just barely two months when we arrived here, the ex-girlfriend of my husband who also is a Muslim and is married called him up. They had dated for about nine years and was even almost engaged but they broke up because my husband decided that if she was going to marry him for money, then better just give her the money and leave. When i met my husband in my country, it has already been four years since the break up but i knew that she still wanted him back for she kept on asking about him back home. Now four years after we got married, we moved to his country and found out, to my surprise that this woman asked for help (it was really vague as related by my sister in law) from my husband about visa for her sister. Anyhow, she kept on calling him (i wonder if her husband knew) to say hi, until one day, she told him that she's by the gate of our house and wanted to see him. He went down, said hi, showed her photos of our family and asked her what she relly wants. She wanted him to help her get a visa for her sister. Anyhow, after my husband related to me the incidents, and gave me her number, i called her and asked her why don't she come over the house and see the family, including my husband's family so that we could talk about what she wants and then help her. I told her that she should have come inside the house and not talk with my husband outside, at least we could have met..She was speechless, and told me why don't i come and visit her instead. So i said to her, yes maybe we could talk in a cafe somewhere. I said, "But what i know, you're the one who want something, so it is best you come and visit us in the house." I guess she was embarassed or something and even asked me if i was angry. Why would i be angry? i asked her. You did not do anything bad, didn't you? Anyhow, she called my sister in law and asked her if my husband was beside me while i was on the phone with her. Of course he was. This has bothered me much because if this happened in my country or some western country, it's not a big deal. I mean, when a woman calls a guy for something, that's what she really wants. But here? She could have asked for "help" from someone else. Why a married man, and her ex for that? And yes, why not ask help from her own husband? I wonder if he knows.

relationships





I Wore Skirt and Long Sleeved Blouse in the Pool
pinkytabor (408) ranked 1,150 out of 28,103 in people
4 months ago
This thing is not strange in the country where i and my family have just moved six months ago. Every weekend we visit my uncle who lives in a flat located in front of the beach. It is a tourist village. People there, just like in my country, swim wearing swim suits. But being married to a local, and have been localized as well, it is not proper for me to wear a swimsuit, nor anything that shows skin when swimming. I cried buckets at the beach arguing my case to my husband. We used to swim a lot together back in my country, and now...? He said i could swim but just wear the appropriate attire. And appropriate means "covered from head to feet." I couldn't do it. I could not imagine myself wearing such in the water. Until the entire family in my husband's side went on a weekend trip at a private beach. I could not resist the water, so i swam. After wards, the women went to the pool side, and to my surprise, my sister in law, clad in long pants and long sleeved blouse made a perfect dive to the pool. Her form was so perfect except for the suit. But for all of them, what we wore was just perfect for a summer day at the pool. I told my husband there is already a swim suit for women in this country and i think its out in the stores now. It is made of the same material of a swimming trunk except that it looks like a tight and leotard and would perfectly and completely cover the entire body. But he said that women here are still not open to such knowing that the material hugs the body so well and shows the woman's figure. Though i had fun, and wearing such attire in the water is an amusing experience for me, i still wonder, what if the skirt or long dress suddenly goes over the head after a dive and shows the underwear? Still, i could not refute the law, more so, a religious and cultural belief. I could only enjoy the moment, and learn.



Would you allow your partner to choose clothes you must wear
pinkytabor (408) ranked 801 out of 18,944 in relationships
4 months ago
My husband wants me to cover myself head to toe when going out. This makes him happy. And for him, knowing his beliefs and culture, this is a sign of my respect and submission to him. I had to give up wearing "smart" clothes (for my standards, its smart, not sexy) and wear what's appropriate for him. But its okay to wear sexy clothes (even nothing, he said) inside our house. Sometimes i struggle really bad inside. I miss the old, carefree, confident me that i used to be. I know that clothes don't make a person but it sure does affect a person's self esteem. But since i love him, i give in. And have forgotten who i was, and have adapted to his style. Would you do the same? For love? For peace?

relationships






What could be better for a married person than this
pinkytabor (408) ranked 472 out of 29,285 in life
4 months ago
Amazing in-laws. What i have learned from foreigners married to nationals of this country is that 90 percent of divorce is caused by troubles with the in-laws. That includes marriage of both locals. This is a country wherein family ties and "voice" of parents are highly valued. Even some marriages here are still prearranged. I guess even in other countries, and most marriages, troubles with in laws cannot be avoided. And i guess, most problems come from the meddling of a mother-in-law on a couple's life - spoiling the children, coming to the house unannounced and trying to do things her way in housekeeping, etc. My mother raised me up, setting a very good example in respecting and loving the family of her husband. In turn, my father also loved my mother's parents, letting them live with is until both passed away. Now that i am married, i feel so blessed with a wonderful mother in-law, a good natured father in law, super sweet sisters in-law and great brothers in-law. I guess my parents planted a seed on this which now i am enjoying. It's really very rare nowadays to have good, if not great, relationship with in-laws. Good means, open, honest (without any hypocrisy) and loving relationship. My mother in law never fails to come up to our house in the third floor, everyday, bringing me lunch for the past six months already. I know that she is not perfect, just like me, but she is so real. And so are the rest of my husband's family. I am happy to be blessed. This is not luck. This has been secretly wished by my parents when i was born. And i pray for the same to my sons.

life






Have Christmas Trees become part of Ramadan?
pinkytabor (408) ranked 2,300 out of 7,876 in religion
2 months ago
I am curious and i want someone to explain this to me. I was surprised to see a Christmas tree in a Muslim friend's house. I thought at first they have converted to Christianity, but no, they are devout Muslims. I felt embarrassed to ask and assumed it was just a house decor (the tree has ornaments too, with balls and stars.) Then during Eid, we went shopping and behold, Christmas trees are on for sale. It felt like Christmas inside the mall, also with colorful lights blinking. I honestly do not know what are those trees for? I mean, this is in a Muslim country. Perhaps they are selling those to Christians? But why do they also have it in their house? And during Ramadan?




This is about medical practitioners
pinkytabor (408) ranked 1,150 out of 28,103 in people
2 months ago
For the first time in my life i have known a doctor/e.r. who diagnosed a patient with having a "hole in the heart" without doing the normal diagnostic procedures. This happened to my mother in law here. They did not even take her blood pressure. It is unbelievable. My uncle who's a nurse (expat) complained and requested for chest x-ray. Then we went to get second opinion. It turned out to be bronchitis. My sister in law was also told that she has STD without getting a pap smear. The doctor said that her husband has STD. So we went to another doctor and hers was a mere/slight infection. My sons had fever for three days, I was shocked to see the doctor just do the stethoscope thing (listen to the chest), then ask me questions like do they vomit? How's the feeding? etc...then, he prescribed medicines, antibiotics. The normal procedures i am used to when taking my sons for a check up are this: take vital signs (body temp., weight, blood tests if fever ran for more than 3 days) and not just listening to the chest. I am now hesitant to go for regular medical checks here. I even took CBC test and had to be injected 3 times! All because the blood they took was not enough. Hello?!!! My uncle said it wasn't a right procedure. Do you have or know some "medical horror stories?" I do not know how these people get to keep their profession. It is sad to say that in this country, medical practitioners regardless of mistakes they have done, are sort of worshiped.


Should I complain or there is nothing wrong with this?
pinkytabor (408) ranked 93 out of 3,064 in wife
3 months ago
How many hours a day does your husband spend being with you and the kids? I am curious because i am on the 'verge' of complaining or maybe i am just feeling a little more sensitive lately and there is really nothing wrong with this. Or there is, and have just noticed it lately. He goes out of the house at 7. The kids wake up at 8. He comes home at 5 and sleeps until 7. SO he basically has about3 hours or less with the kids before bedtime. But he usually goes downstairs, to spend time with his parents, or just hang out by the balcony with his friends. SOmetimes he goes out and comes home at 9. He is always home though to help me bath the kids before thir bedtime. He has one day off a week and sleeps until 11 on that day. When he wakes up, he sometimes just goes out to be with his friends and comes back for lunch (4pm). On some of his days off from work, he visits his sister whose house is a two hour drive away. SPends the whole day there. SOme weekends, he stays out with friends until 12 midnight. He has only one day off from work, so that's basically also his day off from helping me with the boys. Should i complain or should i just try to understand him more? He does help me with housework when he is here though.

There are still more discussions i yet have to post here. I just need to categorized these first. I am hoping to spurr another thread of comments from bloggers here...