Mestiza Libyan Princess

She's here, our Hana. Came via C-section on July 8 at 11 am, El-Khadra Hospital, Tripoli, Libya.
We now have our little mestiza (Filipino for mixed blooded) princess. Our little bundle of joy weighed only 5.1 lbs. but she's quickly gaining weight (now being one week old.)

This reminds me of a verse that says : "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning..." My ordeal has paid off!

The boys were in shock when they arrived in the hospital and saw me in bed and with a little baby beside me. We have orriented them already about the coming baby and Sami was quite ready for the new addition except that he kept on touching my tummy and the bandage on my hand. They both hugged me tight. Leafy wanted to lie down beside me but of course he can't so they just let them hold the baby and introduce her formally to them.

Leafy thought the baby is his. He would not stop kissing her. Sami was a little afraid he might hurt her. And Tarek, oh my, he kept on smiling his widest, the whole day...

The experience, ordeal, outbursts of both joy and momentary melancholia will be expounded on another post. As of now, i need more rest and orrient myself and the boys to the new "set-up" at home. How i miss the boys, cuddling with them, playing with them...they seemed to have grown up fast while i was in the hospital for four days.

Ahhh, mommyhood. My friend told me that "you will never be a true mommy unless you have your own daughter.." I feel more complete now.

just musings about everything

have been trying to get some peace and quiet in installlment terms today. have to chase the boys every now and then...
i need this time for myself every morning in order to have a good start- coffee, internet (checking mails, mesages, news, etc.) and a silent prayer.
found myself wanting to see Morocco and other exotic countries after viewing travel fotos of a friend in facebook.
found myself figuring out how to re arrange the bedroom to be more child-friendly and baby-friendly. we have a double-decked bed which the boys love to climb. we have a bed only Tarek sleep on because i sleep on the floor with the boys, using the foam mattress of the double deck beds. and there's the dresser which the drawers are always rasacked by the boys and sometimes i find them emptying my facial cream and other cosmetic bottles. they are trying new tricks now since the dresser top is already bare of anything, not even a hair brush.

they do have a very wide play-area filled with toys but they seem to be in need of something new every week- a new toy, a new trick, a new children's video to watch. i find myself stressed out thiking of new ways to entertain them. when i spend time with them either playing ro watcing videos, they always get all over me - wanting to ride my bulging tummy (i could not let them ride my back now for a horsey) or press it. i love their affection towards me but oh im thinking of the baby in my tummy too. funny, they call her "tweety" and i do not have any idea where they got that.

i've been making lots of lists again- on what to do, to organize, to buy, to research on the net about, etc...

i might be "nesting" already but i couldnt seem to do anything for i already have my hands so full with the boys and their ever growing need for everything. i am just waiting for the helper to come with tito a few weeks from now.

for today i have a menu to plan and a list of things to buy. tonight we are entertaining filipino friends at tito's flat in janzour and inshallah on friday we have Tarek's italian officemate and his wife as guests for dinner. i have practicaly no idea what they like to eat and that i can cook so i plan to play it safe and go stir fry some veggies perhaps and top it on some pasta...and let tarek grill some meat...i have to plan this.

and there's the closet...needs to be repaired or the doors redone so the boys won't be able to open them.
and there's some shopping to do later for some maternity outfits for me. this baby has been helping a lot for i have never been in shape and pregnant like this before. with \sam and \leaf i have always looked like a cow, but thank goodness for this pregnancy, i kept fit and slim and have less problem with the need for new clothing until now. my only problem is the waistline so i can still basically wear my house dresses. i can still even wear my strechable, low waist jeans. wow!

have to order Anew (of Avon) from my cousin back home. could not find the brand here. some brands from here like Olay and L'oreal doesn't seem to work well on my asian face. or it is because of the climate or my pregnancy, i dunno. i grew crow's feet under my eyes, and some miniature facial warts, creases and pre-mature wrinkles. my skin looks oily-dry, i could not determine the type anymore. inshallah on my next ob-visit (ahhh...we decided to go back to the old hospital and that male doctor for he is offering his service for free and to think, it is in a hi-tech, international hospital, so thank god for this and some good connections) i plan to inquire the derma clinic there about their services and the rate. back home for a regular facial, one can get it for a minimum of 10 dollars, and wart removal with laser costs about 50 dollars and this is done by the dermatologist herself. so i have yet to compare prices.

there are tons of things i wanted from home which cost a lot cheaper compared to the ones sold here. one can get a good brand of children's clothes for 10 dollars (like disney brands and they are original) which costs about 30 dinars here...and there's branded make-up, toiletries, textile, etc...
now i am thinking of opening a shop here...
so like Iman. (have to link here blog here.)

ahhh, plans, pursuits and plain headaches!

The Week in Review

my week so far...from saturday march 7 to saturday, march 14...

7th -bday, happy, fun, insightful, blessed

8th- went home to welcome in-laws coming from medical check -up in Tunis
9th-hubby bought lappy (notebook) which i think is his gift for me
10th-mama called with the news that lola (grandmother, my maternal grandma's sister) who is almost 90, still beautiful, looks 60, went to a fortune teller to ask where's the land title that she had misplaced. The FT told her that it is with a chinky eyed, pretty girl who is now abroad and concluded that it's me because there\s no other chinese looking girl in her side of the family who is based abroad...the FT told her the girl (i) did not do it on purpose because the paper happened to be inside the bag that she lent/gave us.

facts: we checked the bag (of course) before we packed the clothes in...three months after we arrived here we sent it back since we know that Lola is almost-borderline-senile-but still physically strong and might "change" her mind about "having given" us her travelling bag and would say she only lent it to us or worse, we stole it, lol.

now she doesn't know where her bag is (which tito brought with him back home) which contains her land title, according to the fortune teller. (sigh)

11th- made list of tugon from the Philippines and left the section "for coming baby" blank
- organized closets and made a mental list of new essetials needed for the bedroom/baby's area

12th- went to janzour for a weekend at tito dan's

- removed my wedding ring from my finger which is getting chubbier and wore the ring as a pendant

13th- got a call from sis in Dubai in need of immediate financial assistance (issued a check for apartment rental due on sunday march 15 and found out that the signatory of the company check they are supposed to encash earlier is in Jordan)

- ever thoughtful, kind and concerned husband of mine secured the cash 12 midnight

14th - 12 noon Tito and husband sent money through Western Union but it was closed already.
- 5pm, dropped tito at Grand Hotel branch and went to my Ob Gynie for my pre natal
- while waiting at the clinic, tito called and asked us to go back to Grand hotel for they only accept 1 thou USD and we are sending 1,500.
- had ultra sound...Sami and Leaf watched the "tv" to see the baby and found out they are going to have a baby sister. I wept with joy...
-went straight to see tito at Grand Hotel so hubby can send the 500...
-news from tito when we arrived: his 500USD was pick-pocketed while waiting in line. second news: he saw the clerk wrote the recipient address: Philippines, assuming that Tito is sending for the Phils.

- for Tito and my hubby it was a very stressful 3-hour journey complaining, reporting the error and going from this branch to the main branch and thinking about the money lost...
-

deep inside i was peaceful, quiet, and happy at the backseat just thinking about the baby in my tummy, despite Leaf's tantrums in the car and that Sami was having diarrhea and was getting car sick...

later on, tito asked about the baby and i think their mood changed as i kept on ranting about the baby...the preparations we need and the blessings knowing that she's going to have a lot of beautiful hand me downs from her cousin KZ in Dubai and the decors for the bedroom, etc.

still it was a blessed day. just as my husband said "money can always be found for it is just money."

The week was basically the usual...events were trivial but oh the insights it brought.

A Cut Deeper than the Real One

A mother's cut.

Sami smashed his finger two days ago. Feb. 2 at 10 am.
I shut the kitchen door on his chubby little pointer and it bled so bad.
I bled more i think.
He is okay now while i still wrench in pain deep inside
everytime i see his wound a bit moist.
He cries when i change him, when anything touches his swollen finger.
I too hurt as if i didn't stitch up my heart and a little spurt of blood goes.
A spurt of guilt?

I consoled myself with the thought that Sami knows his Mama loves him.
He clang to me for an hour, wailing and breaking my heart.
We both knew it was something else that shut the door on his finger...but not Mama.


Strangely we both had the same dream the night before.
In my dream i was playing the piano. (this may be because i haven't played for almost 2 yrs now)
Sami woke up, went to the kitchen and the first thing he said to me was not "good morning mama" but "Mama, i want piano." I knew he woke up on a dream because he still looked so sleepy. So i said "Okay, we will get the guitar" (we don't have a piano and Sami always calls the guitar "piano") but he said "No Mama, piano like this," showing me his fingers playing an imaginary keyboard. (this may be because of Sesame Street or frequent replays of Tom and Jerry)
I went to get the guitar and let Sami play. But he wanted me to play which is unusual for him. So i played the guitar, Leaf woke up and they both danced as i played and sang. A good 10 minute after i brought them to the kitchen so i can get their breakfast ready. After getting bored with toys, Sami found a styrofoam from a box and started to crumble it. Leaf began to eat the little styro balls. so i began to clean but Leaf tried to "help" me by shoving more balls into his mouth. So i decided to let them out for a while until i finish sweeping the mess off the floor. I was telling them to stay outside the kitchen for a while while i was slowly closing the door. They were smiling, happily looking at me (because Mama always makes them laugh) and then when i shut the door i heard Sami scream. His finger was blue and bleeding. When he saw it, he wailed, "Blohhhhd!!!" And so the drama-slash-action-and a dash of comedy-of-the-day began.

Until today i still have muscle pains from carrying the 18 kilo-Sami all around the house. He won't let go of me and was crying and clinging onto me as i dash from the kitchen to the bathroom to the bedroom, getting my phone to call Tarek, washing his finger, getting the first aid kit, scooping Leaf who was about to ride on the computer monitor...It was crazy. I was crying too for i bled with my son. But thank God for answered prayers. My sister in law came and helped me out.

Here's another line from Riding in Cars with Boys:

"Sometimes we love people so much, we have to numb it. If we actually felt how much it would kill us."